Open...Raw....Vulnerable....Me.

Man.....wow....

I'm learning that time does not erase old painful wounds. The hard way. The reason it's so painful and still feels fresh is because I have never faced it and tried to work my way through it. It simply just hurts. It always seems that what I want or feel I need/needed doesn't really seem to work out, I know that God knows what is best for me and I logically trust Him, it's just very difficult getting my logic to line up with my emotions. Oh, I can hear it now, " Don't be led of your emotions" Yeah...if you KNOW me, you would know that is not who I am. I don't want to go through the pain of dealing with all of this, I just want it to go away and years later it has not. I wish I could just walk away from it, and yet the past has shown me truly how difficult this is. I'm wondering what God is showing me and teaching me through this. Rejection from people I love is just not supposed to happen and it really sucks. My heart aches in ways I thought were far behind me I just want the pain to go away. Why am I unloved for, uncared for? Discarded like yesterday's trash...you are supposed to love me and want me? What did I do? After this long why do I care? I'm tired of it affecting me..defining me....haunting me....being a part of me.



I want to be free.